Sorry about the lack of responses or updates on my end. I've been struggling emotionally this past few weeks. Depression has been bad. I am terribly sorry to those who are waiting for commissions but it's been painful. Some fortunate things have been happening to me, some that I would have never envisioned. Longtime readers know that I've been a total shut-in, rarely going out, and that this has been a source of depression for me. Readers also may recall that I've expressed feeling old and that time has passed me up. However, I've met someone I consider a great friend. She's college age and I'm about 36. Despite our age difference, she treats me like a peer and, what's more like a girlfriend. To a transgendered person, that means a world of a difference. It's not a romantic relationship, as she has a boyfriend, but I've come to know her as a dear friend. We've done things together that a year ago I thought was never be possible. We went to a makeup store together and she gave me a tour and several tips on makeup. We tried on several lipsticks, mascaras, and eyeliners on our hands and walked out of the store with a rainbow of color stripes on our hands. She also took me to Victoria's Secret in the mall for a bra fitting. Mind you, I'm as shy as it gets but she pulled out a side of me that wasn't afraid to have fun and be myself. She's a delight to be with and I've never met a woman with interests and a lifestyle so close to my own. She considers me a friend and I consider her the exact same way.
Nonetheless, she may move in the near future and because of her work there's the strong possibility I may not be able to stay in touch or see her again. I'm still seeing her weekly for now but, because of the possibility of her departure, seeing her is painful, as I keep wondering if she'll be leaving soon. I respect her choices and her personal life but I have to say that my heart will snap if she goes. I've never met anyone like her.
It's been difficult focusing on work, so I want to apologize, again, to those waiting. I've slept almost the entirety of the weekend. When it comes to my professional and social life, I tend to have a very heavy heart. I've been having strong suicidal thoughts. I hope none of this sounds silly. I'm trying my best to work through this and come out right on top.
Thanks for reading and take care.